The Barge

In my family I have to say that we love us some pop culture. I love that my Entertainment Weekly is waiting for me in the mailbox every Friday evening and it is fully read and in the recycling bag long before I go to work on Monday.


I am the one that my mom calls to ask, "I watched a tv show and there's this guy who looks familiar and I think he was in a show with that other guy and maybe they were cops or lawyers and the theme was really catchy? Ya know who I'm talking about, right? " And usually after a few questions to narrow things down, What network? What night? Reruns? What decade? I probably do know who she's talking about. I love the challenge of a difficult Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon and there is probably way too many of my brain cells used up by knowing the names of made-for-tv- movies starring Tori Spelling. (The classic being "Mother May I Sleep With Danger?) I love to hear the details of upcoming projects from Joss Whedon or J.J. Abrams. And if you are unsure of who those last 2 guys are, you will be a quite lost (hint, hint) in a conversation between me and my brother-in-law. And in those conversations it is not unusual to hear the phrase, "They are so on the barge!"


Ah, The Barge. The barge came about many years ago when there was a news story about a trash barge that was just sailing up and down the east coast because no city would let it into port and dump it's trash in their landfill. So somehow I decided that I would have a barge for those famous people that I just bug me and want them to just be floating around out there out of my way.



Most people come and go off my barge as need warrants; some are obvious - Ben Affleck was there during the age of "Bennifer", Paris Hilton when she went to jail thing or Donald Trump anytime he randomly insults Rosie O'Donnell. Really on any given day the passengers change. But there are some permanent fixtures....

• Martha Stewart -her voice just drives me crazy and she's so condescending! I like to think she's happy passing out hordes d'oeuvre's to the other passengers.
• Sharon Stone - really why is she so respected as an actress? She has made far more many crappy movies than good ones (Casino). I just can't understand it so on the barge she goes.
• Meryl Streep - before you yell at me, I just can't seem to get past the whole Kramer vs. Kramer character and the fact that she's "the greatest actress of our time" and can do a lot of accents will not change my mind. It's my barge and she's on it.

That is the thing about the barge, each person's is theirs and theirs alone. So while my sister's includes Adam Sandler (he just bugs her), mine doesn't. There are only two rules of the barge....Rule 1, don't criticize someone else's choices. Rule 2, the barges are non-violent. You can't blow them up or stage a celebrity deathmatch. I had to create this rule for my dad who kept wanting to take a bazooka to his.

So is there some celebrity who just makes you nuts for no apparent reason. Put them on your barge.